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What a turd of a year, eh? 2020 didn't start with a bang. It started with a plop. It's only April and already we're all frantically fumbling for a lever, hoping to flush this deuce as quickly as possible, praying our toilet-paper stash holds out and the stench doesn't linger.
Maybe we should have seen it all coming. After all, the year began with Gwyneth Paltrow's ridiculous lifestyle brand, Goop, releasing a six-episode Netflix series. Yep, Gwyneth Paltrow. The college-drop-out-turned-actor who couldn't identify a vagina on a diagram while claiming to empower women with a smorgasbord of pseudoscience. The same self-proclaimed wellness guru who endorsed squirting coffee up your keister, shoving a rock into your hooha, and letting bees sting you.
In her Netflix series, the madness continued. Among other things, she praised a wizard chiropractor who manipulates people's energy fields by pretending to do Taiichi near them—like a weird guy in your neighborhood park who wears parachute pants and always smells like sandalwood. (At least it's a social-distancing-compliant method, I guess.)
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